I don't remember...

I don’t remember why. I don’t remember who. But what I do remember is that every time I thought it was true, it turned out to be not. Our predicament for prediction supersedes everything else, and in that notion, anguish flourishes.

• Where does anguish live?
• How quickly do the tables turn?
• Where does that lead us?

— Sleepless night. #recognize

A composition of a few words that asked me to deliver something I did not know how. Or at least at that moment, I felt like I failed at it.

I rarely get those moments anymore, but they do happen. And in them, I am surprised how fragile we are. I knew it would be fleeting, but that did not change the fact that I experienced its pain.

Even when we know, we are still compromised.

That was only how the day started. Every single thing that followed that day proved that feeling wrong, and then some.

Yet, the memory of that pain was still fresh. It had visited me before, not so long ago. The circumstances were different, but the anguish was familiar.

— Sad news. #understand

Almost a month before, I was walking down the rainy streets of downtown Stavanger, Norway, when I got the news that a podcast I had recorded had a scratchy noise on the recording and it would not be published.

It was such an awesome conversation that I couldn’t help but feel torn and sad that it wouldn’t see the light of day. And once again, the desperation of failure, even though it was out of my control, decided to give me its unwelcome embrace.

And more than anything, I wanted to hold it tight. I am going to blame the gloomy rain for my reaction, but you and I know it had nothing to do with it.

The day was not over yet, and we had rescheduled the podcast for the day after to be recorded in person. And what was trending as a loss and failure turned into an even greater opportunity.

The sun came out in Stavanger, and scrambling in an Airbnb, we set up mics and lights and captured what would be an even better conversation than the first one.

— Locked-in. #accept

In one instance, my actions or inaction, for that matter, gave birth to this insatiable guest with an appetite for distraught. On the other, something outside of my control took me spiraling in the same direction, clinging to something that seemed undeniable.

And here lies the danger, when the undeniable becomes the only reality. When present circumstances dictate the future on the assumption that they cannot change, we get stuck.

And our society feels more and more trending in that direction every day. Where our belief that what holds true today will remain true tomorrow, we are locked in a spiral of anguish.

Yet, in both instances, the predictions of a failed outcome were wrong. The short sightness in which they manifested gave anguish room to grow, and that’s worth remembering.

The episode titled Beyond Engineering Leadership made its debut first thing in the morning of that sleepless night with overwhelmingly positive feedback.

Until next time,
Carlo