Misalignment like anything else peaks in moments but happens way before.
The moments we realize something drastically went wrong or well are often the peaks. The highest points culminate a plethora of emotions that often make it feel like a make-it-or-break-it ordeal.
- Isn’t it too late to change in those moments?
- Is the realization a manifestation of the disconnect between us and the decider?
- What happens next?
— Black hole. #recognize
I could not be more livid and disappointed. My blood temperature boiled in anger. My sound cracked in disbelief afraid of every word it was about to say. The drift into the wilderness of a point of no return calling for help yet none to be found sank its teeth deep into my mind and body.Lifeless, static and so motionless, the misalignment was so severe not because on the other end of it sat an enemy but on the contrary a close ally. One which we had been fighting together hand in hand and today it felt we didn’t.
I lamented the missed opportunities for this to never happen but it did. I said “No” feeling its weight heavy and solemn. I stopped talking. I craved the solace of the space to catch my breath. Silence reigned.
The black hole caught up with me catching all the debris of the decisions that allowed this moment to happen and I was sucked in.
— The Divide. #understand
My morning did not start like that though. Sitting in a tiny apartment with a pleasant 22°C (72°F) breeze coming through the window, I had just finished an interview for my upcoming book and was filled with so much hope and zeel I could barely contain it.
The dream of tomorrow could not be more vivid in my imagination. I was ready to drop it all. I was flying under its wings.
And that should give you a relative point to how badly the fall landed on my hopes shattering explosively into the bosoms of the tears that drew first blood from the tenuous mismatched expectations that followed that day.
On both ends of those extremes lived different personas albeit being the same. The divide makes them seem different. What changed? How could the winds carry such a difference in unison across so disparate peaks?
I still beg for an answer that can heal the wounds and give the mind the peace of the causation that makes it all understood.
Yet today understanding ceases to make sense. And for the better of it all probably it should stop trying to make it so. The decider to blame should be left alone and witnessing the divide is all that is left to be remembered.
— Gone. #accept
What ought to be intrepid dissolves in the cascade of the impact of the mismatch between the decider and the observer. For our mind and ego is nothing but an observer at the peaks. Too late for it to act any differently even if it thinks it can or should.The uncertainty looming in the aftermath catches us off guard and until the observer meets the decider in its plans forward we will feel the pain of it. The plans will be revealed for we already have decided on them even if in those moments we are simply observers.
The continuous river of decisions will unfold and every peak is bound to happen way before we find ourselves on its tip. I can’t tell you what happens next but once I do it will be too late as well.
Until next time,
Carlo
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